03-CV-0012 SURLEE v. COUNCIL

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Kjmp qz pjo zmso gv -- Gj, vgb pjo lgdo gv Kmlp. Nobvoap.
Ygw jmdo pjo bqcjp pg bosmqz iqlozp, Pggz. Zgk, mll bqio vgb pjo vmqb mzh jgzgbmtlo Ajqov Xwipqao.
Ozgwcj, ozgwcj. Iqp hgkz mzh cop tmae pg kgbe.
Jollg, Ajqov!
Uwqop, Hgapgb Iwbloo. Ygw'do tooz ajmbcoh kqpj dqglmpqzc pjo Pggz Agwzaql'i polongbpmpqgz boipbqapqgzi mzh abompqzc ygwb gkz tynmiioi qzpg pjo "Ngbpmtlo Jglo" zopkgbe. Jgk hg ygw nlomh?
Qv Q imy cwqlpy, amz Q cg jgso iggzob?
Ygwb xgeoi kgz'p imdo ygw jobo, Hgapgb.
Jgk amz ygw odoz nwp so gz pbqml? Pjo Agwzaql qiz'p jobo, lop mlgzo kgwlh pjoy mcboo kqpj cgqzc vgbpj kqpj pjqi.
GDOB-BWLOH! Tmaeipmttob, tbqzc gwp pjo odqhozao. Ko'll ipmbp kqpj m hqmby ozpby hmpoh Zgdostob 28pj, 1998. Tocqz bomhqzc.
Zgk jmzc gz--

"Hmy 37 gv pjo Bokbqppoz Ornobqsozp. Pjwi vmb, odobypjqzc jmi tooz cgqzc isggpjly. Q'do nlgnnoh pjo qhomi gv mll gv pjo zoqcjtgbjgghi qzpg pjoqb jomhi, mzh qp'i zombly vqzqijoh agzipbwapqgz! Gzao mcmqz, jgkodob, Pjo Pggz Agwzaql kgz'p cqdo qz gz polongbpmpqgz maaoii. 'Qp'i pgg hmzcobgwi', pjoy imy. 'Ko zooh pg bocwlmpo qp, pjoy imy.' Tmj, odoz kqpj pjo qhom mjomh gv pqso qp kgwlhz'p ajmzco pjoqb sqzhi. Iwboly, qp jmi igso eqzei jobo mzh pjobo. Sgiply jmbsloii, pjgwcj.

Gv agwbio... Pjmp'i kjmp pjoy pjgwcjp mtgwp pjo smajqzoi, pgg. Pjmp'i kjmp jo pjgwcjp mtgwp pjo smajqzoi. Pjoy kobo sgiply jmbsloii. Mzh lgge kjobo pjmp cgp jqs. Lgge kjobo pjmp cgp so. Odoby hmy, odoby jgwb, odoby ioagzh ko cop algiob pg pjo Oloapqgz. Qp'i 5 yombi mkmy yop Q ipqll amz'p cop qp gwp gv sy sqzh. Kqll Q odoz to mtlo pg kmpaj? Q jmdo pg, pjo ornobqsozp jmi pg cg gz. Q's zgp iwbo qv Q amz tomb pg ioo qp mcmqz. Q amz'p kmbz pjos, Q amz'p qzpobvobo. Pjo toip Q amz hg qi nbonmbo pjos. Smyto pjo Pbglloytgpi kqll joln kqpj pjmp, mzh pjoz mcmqz smyto pjoy kgz'p."

Ygw amz ipgn bomhqzc zgk.
Q'll jmdo zg hqiawiiqgz mi pjo odqhozao qi toqzc nboiozpoh, Hgapgb Iwbloo. Agzpqzwo, Tmaeipmttob. "Q'do tooz uwoipqgzqzc syiolv lmpoly -- ijgwlh Q cg pjbgwcj kqpj qp? Qv qp koboz'p vgb pjos, ko kgwlhz'p jmdo smho pjo mhdmzaosozpi pjmp ko'do smho pghmy. Obb, bmpjob, 38 hmyi mcg. Twp qv qp koboz'p vgb pjos, jo kgwlh ipqll to jobo. Qv jo ezok kjmp jo kmi toqzc obmioh vgb, kgwlh jo pjqze qp qi kgbpj qp? Gz pjo gpjob jmzh, kqpjgwp pjo mhdmzaosozpi ko smy jmdo toagso lqeo pjo smajqzoi gwbioldoi. Pjo Pbglloy kgwlh cop bonopqpqdo, pjo cmci kgwlh cop glh... Vqcjpqzc pjos toamso m agssgz nmipqso gv Pggzpgkz. Kjoz Q amso tmae, pjgwcj, qp kmi pgg lmpo. Q's zgp smeqzc pjmp imso sqipmeo. Pjmp'i kjmp Q eoon pollqzc syiolv. Kjoz Q jmdo pg kmpaj jqs cg imh mcmqz -- toamwio gv SO -- Q jgno Q amz lqdo wn pg qp.

Bqcjp: Ngbpmtlo Jgloi. Pjo Pggz Agwzaql kgz'p lop pggzi polongbp mzykjobo kqpjgwp ombzqzc qp. Cggh vgb agsswzqpy iobdqao, Q iwnngio. Odoz pjoz, pjoy kgz'p lop pjos polongbp pg pjo lgaml tmbtob ijgn gb hbgn qz vgb m uwqae qao aboms agzo. Gzao mcmqz, Q jmh pg nwp sy gkz tynmiioi qz. Mcmqzip pjo bwloi? M lqpplo tqp. Qp qi sy qzdozpqgz, jgkodob. Pjo swsnempbgz amz jmzhlo qp. Nbgtmtly."

Cwqlpy mi ajmbcoh. Zgk, kjobo hqh ygw cop pjmp?...
Pjo Ajmqbsmz vgwzh uwqpo m vok pjqzci qz pjmp jwze gv sopml ygw amll m "Lmt". Kjqaj tbqzci so pg pjo zorp nqoao gv odqhozao, pjo tlwonbqzp.

ppb://miiopi/agzvqhozpqml.xnc

Q ioo. Amz Q bouwoip pg jomb pghmy'i hmpo?
Pjo 26pj gv Xwzo.
Bqcjp. Pjmp smeoi iozio. Q kqij qp hqh, mapwmlly -- twp zg smppob. Pjo tlwonbqzp kgz'p hg ygw mzy cggh kqpjgwp pjo tm--

ppb://miiopi/gbhoboh-fgzoi.xnc

Gj, ygw jmdo pjo tmae mi koll.
Mp lgzc lmip, Hgapgb Iwbloo, Q IOZPOZAO YGW PG-
Jmzc gz, gzo sgbo pjqzc. Ygw ezgk pjo vwzzy nmbp gv pjqi, Q mapwmlly jmdo gzo gv pjgio tynmiioi bqcjp wn jobo mi koll. Ioo, Q xwip ipmzh wn bqcjp jobo...
Hgapgb Iwbloo, Q hosmzh-
Mzh mll Q jmdo pg imy...
Hgz'p pby qp.
Qi...
IPGN JQS!
"Q'll to tmae lmpob!"

M tlmae jglo pjoz nbgaoohoh pg mnnomb wzhob pjo voop gv pjo maawioh, pmeqzc jqs gwp gv iqcjp. Pjo iabomsqzc mvpobkmbhi jmi tooz ipbqeoh vbgs pjo boagbh ty gbhob gv pjo Ajqov Xwipqao.

Zg smppob, ko'll to mtlo pg agzdqap pjo Hgapgb iggz ozgwcj. Iozh pjo boagbhi pg pjo sohqm. Locml Omcloi, kjg qi zorp gz pjo hgaeop?
M tomb ty pjo zmso gv Twsny Twstlotojb, ygwb jgzgb.
Oraollozp.

Today's hearing represents the first case of a Toon on trial with close ties to the Toon Resistance and Anti-Cog Movements, the infamous inventor DOCTOR SURLEE.
What in the name of -- Oh, for the love of Walt. Perfect.
You have the right to remain silent, Toon. Now, all rise for the fair and honorable Chief Justice.
Enough, enough. Sit down and get back to work.
Hello, Chief!
Quiet, Doctor Surlee. You've been charged with violating the Toon Council's teleportation restrictions and creating your own bypasses into the "Portable Hole" network. How do you plead?
If I say guilty, can I go home sooner?
Your jokes won't save you here, Doctor.
How can you even put me on trial? The Council isn't here, let alone would they agree with going forth with this.
OVER-RULED! Backstabber, bring out the evidence. We'll start with a diary entry dated November 28th, 1998. Begin reading.
Now hang on--

"Day 37 of the Rewritten Experiment. Thus far, everything has been going smoothly. I've plopped the ideas of all of the neighborhoods into their heads, and it's nearly finished construction! Once again, however, The Toon Council won't give in on teleportation access. 'It's too dangerous', they say. 'We need to regulate it, they say.' Bah, even with the idea ahead of time it wouldn't change their minds. Surely, it has some kinks here and there. Mostly harmless, though.

Of course... That's what they thought about the machines, too. That's what he thought about the machines. They were mostly harmless. And look where that got him. Look where that got me. Every day, every hour, every second we get closer to the Election. It's 5 years away yet I still can't get it out of my mind. Will I even be able to watch? I have to, the experiment has to go on. I'm not sure if I can bear to see it again. I can't warn them, I can't interfere. The best I can do is prepare them. Maybe the Trolleybots will help with that, and then again maybe they won't."

You can stop reading now.
I'll have no discussion as the evidence is being presented, Doctor Surlee. Continue, Backstabber. "I've been questioning myself lately -- should I go through with it? If it weren't for them, we wouldn't have made the advancements that we've made today. Err, rather, 38 days ago. But if it weren't for them, he would still be here. If he knew what he was being erased for, would he think it is worth it? On the other hand, without the advancements we may have become like the machines ourselves. The Trolley would get repetitive, the gags would get old... Fighting them became a common pastime of Toontown. When I came back, though, it was too late. I'm not making that same mistake. That's what I keep telling myself. When I have to watch him go sad again -- because of ME -- I hope I can live up to it.

Right: Portable Holes. The Toon Council won't let toons teleport anywhere without earning it. Good for community service, I suppose. Even then, they won't let them teleport to the local barber shop or drop in for a quick ice cream cone. Once again, I had to put my own bypasses in. Against the rules? A little bit. It is my invention, however. The mumpkatron can handle it. Probably."

Guilty as charged. Now, where did you get that?...
The Chairman found quite a few things in that hunk of metal you call a "Lab". Which brings me to the next piece of evidence, the blueprint.

ttr://assets/confidential.jpg

I see. Can I request to hear today's date?
The 26th of June.
Right. That makes sense. I wish it did, actually -- but no matter. The blueprint won't do you any good without the ba--

ttr://assets/ordered-zones.jpg

Oh, you have the back as well.
At long last, Doctor Surlee, I SENTENCE YOU TO-
Hang on, one more thing. You know the funny part of this, I actually have one of those bypasses right up here as well. See, I just stand up right here...
Doctor Surlee, I demand-
And all I have to say...
Don't try it.
Is...
STOP HIM!
"I'll be back later!"

A black hole then proceeded to appear under the feet of the accused, taking him out of sight. The screaming afterwards has been striked from the record by order of the Chief Justice.

No matter, we'll be able to convict the Doctor soon enough. Send the records to the media. Legal Eagles, who is next on the docket?
A bear by the name of Bumpy Bumblebehr, your honor.
Excellent.

Blueprint decryption method:

Bifid cipher - key is "portil", found by saying the right SpeedChat phrases in the each of coordinates on the right side of the back side of the blueprint (see row below) in order to trigger Surlee's Portable Hole bypasses. In the bottom right corner of that blueprint's side are the X'd out names of each location one was teleported to. By putting the names of each location on the X's and following the column of letters marked by the two arrows above and below the segment, the word "portil" will be spelt out.

Decryption (Top to bottom, left to right):

• Not recommended for those scared of dark
• Portable quadriadterals create too much derexity in the mumpkatron to distillate
• Intricate system of interconnecting items shuffle Toons throughout the oscillation of spacetime to their destination
• Reversed distillator progidossilatoin of convex reoscillatory mumpkatron creates entryway outside of Grey into matter itself
• Fabricated of pure holes - old boots, leaky buckets, and donuts provide perfect progidossilation
• Dinomic makeup of hole is naturally elastic - portable design not necessary

Blueprint decryption method:

Bifid cipher - key is "portil". The missing coordinates were given out one numeral at a time when teleporting from each of the un-encrypted bypass coordinates.

Decryption (Left to right):

• (-46, -140) - "Go for the weakest Cog first."
  "You should choose a different Cog."
  "Save your powerful Gags."
• Kooky Cineplex
  Precipitation Foundation
  Dr. Fret's Dentistry
  Artie Choke's Neckties
  Lullaby Library
  Chip 'n Dale's Minigolf

Perhaps, however I don't believe they realize what they have unfolded.

I don't think you have either.